the tattoo says "man manyate," sanskrit for "to believe"

i've always had trouble finding something to believe in--in religion, in other people, in myself, etc. a person is nothing without their convictions. you need something to believe in, something to keep you going, a reason to get up in the morning. its something i've really struggled with my entire life and had lots of problems because of. getting the tattoo was really important to me. i dont think i could really be able to explain all of my reasons. it was my first tattoo and i tried to talk to my mom about it. i guess i wanted her support. she said she understood and wouldnt be opposed to it. over the summer my mom and i were having a difficult time getting along. at one point she said she felt like she hardly knew me anymore and that all i ever did was lie and sneak around. that i just didnt care about anyone else. she said every time she saw the tattoo on my back, she wished she could erase it from my skin. she asked me, "how could beliefs be so important to you when all you do is show others they can't believe in you?"

this is me. trying to believe in others, in myself, while misleading and taking advantage of the people who mean the most to me.